Manipulating kids a wrong road

Re: Talk so they listen, listen so they talk (Saanich Family, Sept. 14)

Re: Talk so they listen, listen so they talk (Saanich Family, Sept. 14)

Were we supposed to laugh as columnist Susan Lundy smugly wrote how “successfully” she manipulated her children? I just felt sad.

The book she probably took her title from (How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber & Mazlish) is the opposite of manipulation, for it shows how to discuss issues with respect and caring.

Children need to learn how to express their opinions safely (discussing meaningful pros and cons of any chosen item or activity) and interact honestly (discussing the effects of bullying in all its subtle and not-so-subtle modes.)

As they practise expressing their feelings safely with their parents, they learn to recognize whom to trust and how to identify ethics in the larger world.

Whatever we model, our kids will earnestly imitate. When Ms. Lundy is an older woman, will she want her grown children using this same disrespectful technique on her?

As parents, we should be open to learning from our kids as well as having our kids learn from us.

If we run along that same two-way street, when a mother picks up a movie that interests her, there’s more than a 50-50 chance that her kids won’t give it (or her) “the up-turned nose.” And if they do, there’s an opportunity for learning to take place.

Robin Roberts



Just Posted

UVic students return from Hong Kong amidst growing tension

All eight University of Victoria exchange students have returned to Canada

ICBC, province urge residents to plan ahead for winter weather

Greater Victoria should gear up and have a plan in place

65-million-year-old triceratops makes its debut in Victoria

Dino Lab Inc. is excavating the fossilized remains of a 65-million-year-old dinosaur

Tillicum Centre evacuated after false alarm in Save-On-Foods

A fire alarm was mistakenly activated by falling food

VIDEO: ‘Climate emergency’ is Oxford’s 2019 Word of the Year

Other words on the shortlist included ‘extinction,’ ‘climate denial’ and ‘eco-anxiety’

POLL: Do you plan on making any purchases on Black Friday?

We’ve all seen the images. Shoppers rioting outside of a store in… Continue reading

Greater Victoria Crime Stoppers wanted list for the week of Nov. 19

Greater Victoria Crime Stoppers is seeking the public’s help in locating the… Continue reading

Canucks erupt with 5 power-play goals in win over Nashville

Vancouver ends three-game slide with 6-3 triumph over Predators

Nanaimo man caught with more than 200,000 child porn images to be sentenced

Crown says Aaron Macrae recorded video of children on buses and at his workplace

Vancouver Island hunters may have harvested deer in area known for chronic wasting disease

Conservation officers make urgent request to public for any information

B.C. widow suing health authority after ‘untreatable’ superbug killed her husband

New Public Agency Health report puts Canadian death toll at 5,400 in 2018

Changes to B.C. building code address secondary suites, energy efficiency

Housing Minister Selina Robinson says the changes will help create more affordable housing

Most Read